I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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