it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I faked an abortion last night.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
