On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My vagina is very pro this idea
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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