i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
