Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
