i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
