Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I am midnight drunk by noon
only you would photoshop your dick
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
