Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize