Sry I called you an 8
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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