mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
