So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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