You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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