physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
