I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
