You really coming over, don't trick.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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