dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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