i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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