took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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