He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Someone signed my nipple.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
