when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
