Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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