And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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