thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
