i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
