I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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