Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
