I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
did i just pee glitter
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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