Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
