i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
