summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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