if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
