I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
