"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
