"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
