i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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