he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
