i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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