i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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