is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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