if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
