When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
