im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
