I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
