My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize