When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
