and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
