You're so nebulous sometimes
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
