remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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