the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
