It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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