I want to make a zoo with you.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
