i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
