hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
