Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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