Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
