Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
