Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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