Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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stop calling my apartment porn island.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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