And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
