Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
