I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
