who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It's like God shit irony all over that family
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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