i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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