I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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