I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
