Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I intend to get homeless drunk
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
