So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
God, I missed his penis.
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