what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
