My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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