i don't like sucking hair
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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