I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
