I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
it's great music for shaving your balls
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
