She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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