The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
